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sad How do I start...
Well, my grandmother (on my father's side) is in the hospital. She hasn't been to a doctor in over 20 years. She has breast cancer, or at least we believe that's the case. While I was visiting her today, the primary care physician came in and told her the Oncologist was coming up. Obviously, this isn't a good sign. The biospy results haven't come in yet, but they strongly believe it is cancer. And if it is, it's size makes it inoperable.
She took that really hard. I had to watch her face drop and start to tear up. I've seen it 4 times now. I've seen 3 people die of it, and one that now has it. It's almost like I know what's going to happen next... from experience. I don't know how I'm going to take to seeing someone else slowly die of this disease.
Many people don't know what it's like to stare at someone and watch them come to the conclusion that they're going to die. Many people have also never seen someone die right in front of them.
Why God, in all your supposed vast wisdom, have you decided to rip everyone away from me that I'm close to with this wretched disease. I would really like to know that if there even is a god, why does he feel it necessary to kill good people.
I love you grandma.
July 17 2005, 13:54:49 UTC 6 years ago
Life
I couldn't think of of subject line but ir fits. I know what it is like to lose someone really close, and I know what it feels like to get horrible news like that. Now I have never seen someone die, and I think if I was to ever see someone die that I would just fall to pieces and not be able to get it together for a really long time. I am glad I did not see my grandpop die. It was hard enough seeing him in a casket. I am not close to my dad, but with him having lymphoma (SP) part of me wishes I knew him better and that I could say that I love him and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I can love him, my "dad" died 6 years ago, or at least that is what I believe. I know when he does die that I will feel bad, but I am not sure if I will cry. And then there is my great grandmom. I have no idea how long she will be around. As you know her memory is starting to go and that hurts me, and I can just tell by looking at her that she is not doing well. When I lose her I am going to lose a big part of me. She has so much to do with who I am. I wish we had more power over what goes on but unfortunately we don't. As far as God goes, there isn't one, at least not in my opinion. If there was he would not make so many good people suffer day after and let the evil do as they please with little to no penalty at all. The only suggestion I have for you is to wait and hope something can be done. There are other ways to eliminate breast cancer. Just try and be there for your grandma and spend some more time with her. Anyway, remember I am always here for you and I love you with all my heart and that will never change. I'll see you later.July 17 2005, 15:17:18 UTC 6 years ago